


a very small pinwheel

by polyjoon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort, Holding Hands, M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 15:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17428637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyjoon/pseuds/polyjoon
Summary: minghao finds himself holding both mingyu's and seokmin's hands.frequently.





	a very small pinwheel

**Author's Note:**

> hi~~ it's been a while since i've written a svt fic or even really kept up with the fandom but ive had a Very Emotional Night crying over all 13 of them and then that progressed into me remembering How Much I Love Seokgyuhao and i just hAD to write this okay,,,,
> 
> ***also!! i've moved my kpop fics from dianna44 to polyjoon :) so follow me there instead if ur subscribed to me for svt fics :3 i'll keep "dianna44" as an author for probably about a week before i get rid of it. 
> 
> also YES i listened to pinwheel the entire time while writing this. and YES that is why the title is what it is. thank u for ur time.

Minghao was almost asleep when he first felt Mingyu's fingers lace in his. It had been early on in their debut, when all their feelings were starting to become shared feelings as they began to understood how it was for them now, how it was for them as a new rookie group.

Minghao had started having trouble sleeping. Which was ironic considering he always felt so exhausted nowadays. Sometimes, he wondered if all of this would be worth it. He wondered if it was worth it to pursue this career, but then he'd remember his heart and dreams and ask himself that if this wasn't worth it, then what was?

Minghao wanted to reach forward and grab his dreams by the hand. He wanted to walk hand in hand with them. It has always been one of his hopes.

And now Mingyu was holding his hand.

When Minghao noticed, he almost pulled away, but that feeling was based on his instinct that Mingyu must have simply brushed his hand on accident. But Mingyu's hand tightened against his and Minghao understood he was doing it on purpose. Mingyu was holding his hand.

It was comforting in a way. But a part of Minghao was, understandably, a bit freaked out. It wasn't like he had any issues holding hands with his friends. He didn't. But he usually didn't hold hands with his friends when they were sleeping together in the same room. He usually didn't have a friend that would purposefully reach over and grab his hand in their own and hold it tight to them, almost as if Minghao was a lifeline.

Mingyu said nothing and Minghao didn't open his eyes.

(He was, however, resisting every urge to peek an eye open and laugh at Mingyu for thinking he was being subtle in any way.)

But that didn't make sense. What would Mingyu have to be subtle about?

Minghao knew he missed life before all this. They've only talked about serious things a few times alone, but Minghao could see when someone was feeling similar emotions to himself. Minghao missed home. He missed not having to train every day. He missed feeling energetic instead of exhausted. He missed a lot about who he was in the past, but he couldn't be regretful over his present because, well, he wasn't.

That didn't mean he wasn't allowed to have these thoughts.

Mingyu's grip in his tightened.

And without opening his eyes or even letting his breathing patterns change, Minghao squeezed back.

Mingyu didn't let go.

Not even ten minutes later, Mingyu was asleep.

But Minghao was wide awake.

 

 

Seokmin's hand in his was electrifying yet comforting. He was laughing at something Seungcheol had said and sometime during the conversation, he had reached forward and grabbed Minghao's hand.

Minghao didn't even blink when it happened and Seokmin kept laughing with Seungcheol like there was not a care in the world.

Minghao was reading a short story on his phone. One of his friends had sent it to him and now that he was offered even just a short twenty-minute break, he had taken up on the opportunity to curl up on the couch and read it. Seungcheol had already been in the room, reading something on his phone on the chair across from the couch. And sometime during the last ten minutes, Seokmin had walked in and sat down next to him.

Minghao had just said a quiet "hey" at his arrival before returning to his phone. Seokmin had said something back. And then he started talking to hyung and everything was fine and at some point, he reached over and grabbed Minghao's free hand and everything was fine everything was fine—

and then Minghao looked up.

Seokmin was pretty. He was pretty in a way Minghao had only vaguely noticed before, but now that he was here, looking away from him, Minghao found himself only being able to admire him.

Seokmin was gorgeous. Dorky and gorgeous. His smile lit up his whole face when he really let it loose every few seconds and Minghao squeezed his hand at the same time he felt a pull at his heart.

Nobody seemed to notice Minghao's staring, which he was grateful for, and it gave him time to suddenly hyper-fixate on the exact feeling of Seokmin's hand in his.

It was nice.

Seokmin was. Nice.

Minghao let him hold his hand for a few more minutes, but eventually, his break was over and he had to stand up, stretching as he did so and in the process, having to let go.

That's the first time Seokmin really looked at him. When he let go.

He smiled a bright smile.

And Minghao found that he was a bit blinded by it.

 

 

Mingyu pressed against his side, his head falling lightly against Minghao's shoulders and Minghao felt light and free.

"He actually said that?" Seokmin asks Mingyu, eyes wide and mouth a bit open. He looked cute. Minghao looked at Mingyu's giggling face. He looked cute too.

"He did! I swear I'm not lying. I wouldn't lie about this. This is serious."

Minghao pulled a face. " _This_ is what you call serious?"

"Jeonghan threatening my life _is_ serious!" Mingyu exclaims.

Seokmin just laughs in his face. "Okay, but no way he said _that_."

"He _did_."

"I don't believe you."

"Then you don't believe pure _facts_."

Seokmin looked like he was about to say more, but Minghao couldn't hear anything more and held up his hands to stop them both.

"He definitely threatened his life. Also, we can all tell you're lying, Mingyu-ssi."

"I'm not lying!"

Minghao shrugs Mingyu's head off his and walks over to Seokmin, sending a teasing glare at Mingyu as he does. It's a petty move and Mingyu glowers at him. But then he smirks. And Minghao watches as he deftly reaches out and pulls Seokmin toward him, Seokmin tripping over himself and ending up with his face pressed against Mingyu's neck.

Minghao watches Mingyu's eyes go wide and he watches the way he gulps and he's about to say something funny about the situation, but then Minghao sees how tightly they're gripping at each other's hands and something funny twists in Minghao's stomach.

Something ugly and something beautiful.

 

 

"Hey."

Minghao looks up from their schedule, letting out a small smile when he sees who it is. Seokmin just finished having his makeup done and Minghao blinked at the sight.

"Are you the first out?"

Seokmin shrugs, sitting down on the floor next to him. "Besides you, yeah. I think Soonyoung is almost done with his makeup, though."

Minghao nods, flipping the page to skim over what he'll be doing for the next two weeks. It's. A lot. But they're starting to gain popularity now and this is what idols do. Be popular. Go on shows. Interact with the fans. Do things.

Sometimes, Minghao hated to admit, he just wanted a break. Even a short one. The only reason he's given this break right now is because he lucked out and got the quickest makeup stylist. Plus, his skin was acting reasonably well with him today. So that was a plus.

"Are you okay?"

Minghao looks up and blinks as he starts to process the question. Is he okay?

"Yeah. I'm just. Tired. But we all are."

Seokmin frowns at him, reaching out and taking his hand in his. His hand feels a bit cold, but it's refreshing. Minghao thinks he was feeling too warm.

"That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel tired too. You're right. We _are_ all tired. But "all" includes you. I'm sorry you feel so tired. Have you considered speaking to," he leans in a bit, quieting his words, "the higher-ups?"

Minghao can't help it. He giggles.

Seokmin pulls back. "Why are you laughing at me?!"

"You just made it sound so _secretive_."

"I'm just _making sure_!"

Minghao giggles again, but eventually, he shakes his head, his amused smile still in place. Seokmin is smiling too.

 _His soul really shines through when he smiles_ , Minghao randomly thinks.

"I don't want to bother them about it. It's okay, really. I just need to catch up on some sleep and go easier on myself sometimes. I'm okay, I promise."

Seokmin's hand must be made to fit just with his. Minghao doesn’t think there's any other explanation. And he knows he's being a bit ridiculous, but he just… he's being _serious._

Minghao doesn't really believe in fate but he thinks that the world worked out in just a way where Minghao got to find himself in a time where he got to hold Seokmin's hand and feel the way he does.

Any other explanation for it makes his heart beat a bit too quick.

 

 

With Mingyu, Minghao realizes what it all means.

"Did you eat?"

"Yes."

"Do you… do you want to go out and eat with me?"

Minghao stops stretching. "I just said I already ate."

Mingyu gives a dramatic sigh. "I _know_ , but I want to go out and eat and I don't want to go alone and honestly, I want to go with you."

Minghao thinks his heartbeat is louder than anything else in the room. Louder than the music he has playing, louder than the television in the other room, louder than the three members laughing loudly as they play a card game together in that same room, louder than any other possible sound.

"Oh. Then. Yeah. Okay," says Minghao. Mingyu sends him a relieved smile. "Let me get ready."

"Okay. I'll be waiting in the other room."

Minghao just nods and he sits on his bed. His heart is beating so loudly. God. He can't make it stop. Mingyu's smile flashes in his mind and suddenly, he aches to hold his hand.

And Seokmin's. He wants to hold Seokmin's hand too.

Minghao doesn't like to cry so he doesn't.

But when he realizes the situation he's in, he has to convince himself that he doesn’t cry because he doesn't want to.

A part of him desperately thinks that maybe he needs to.

After Minghao gets ready and goes out to meet Mingyu by the door, Mingyu opens the door for him with a secret smile on his face. And as they walk to the closest restaurant, Mingyu takes his hand in his and doesn't say a word about it.

 

 

Seokmin noticed before Mingyu did. He always did and Minghao always really loved that about him. Seokmin was a good friend. One of his best friends, actually.

Minghao sometimes wished he considered his best friends as just that exactly and nothing more. Best friends. Nothing more.

Seokmin doesn't even ask what's wrong when he comes up from behind and wraps his arms tightly around Minghao's waist. Minghao struggles to get free just for the fun of it, but Seokmin doesn't let go and Minghao doesn't want him to.

It's Minghao that seeks out Seokmin's hand this time. It's just. It was Right There. So easy to grab onto and Seokmin was looking at him like he was something precious and Minghao could convince himself so easily sometimes.

Holding Seokmin's hand was comforting. It was—

"Do you like Mingyu-ssi?"

Minghao wants to let go of Seokmin's hand after that, but Seokmin doesn't let him. Minghao feels crowded suddenly. A part of him even feels a bit stupid for feeling like he could hide it for so long from Seokmin.

"What do you mean? Of course I like him."

Seokmin rolls his eyes. "I obviously didn't mean it like that. I just… want you to know that it's okay. You're okay. I won't tell anyone. I just wanted to ask because if you do, I wanted you to know that I found out. Be… be more careful, I guess. Only if you want to be."

Minghao felt overwhelmed and out of control but he still nods anyway. He can't say a single word. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to say, _But I like you too_ without opening a whole other topic of conversation it seems Seokmin doesn't really want to have.

He feels a bit frustrated with the whole thing, really. Seokmin can easily see how Minghao's blossoming crush on Mingyu is coming along, but he can't see how easily and quickly Minghao falls for Seokmin every time he so much as looks at him.

Minghao almost wants Seokmin to find out about his feelings for him. It would make things easier on Minghao's part. But harder in the end.

How the hell is Minghao supposed to explain that he's deeply and equally attracted to not one, but _two_ members of the band he's just started to accept is getting a bit popular. Not _super_ popular, but they're almost at a million followers on Twitter and Minghao thinks that's a bit neat.

So, Minghao doesn't say any of that and just nods at Seokmin, neither confirming nor denying his statement. Seokmin seems to take it as a confirmation, however, and just reaches forward and hugs Minghao tightly.

"It'll be okay," is what he says.

But then, it finally dawns on Minghao, that it probably won't be.

 

 

Mingyu never notices. So, Minghao tells him.

"I like Seokmin."

Mingyu springs up from his bed.

"You have a crush on Seokmin-ssi?"

Minghao doesn't look at him, his hands suddenly incredibly more interesting than anything else that could possibly exist. "Yes."

Mingyu is quick in getting up and getting into Minghao's bed with him. It's overwhelming and Minghao has to stop his reflexes to kick him off. Mingyu's hand meets his quickly, holding it gently.

"Are you going to do anything about it?"

"What  _can_ I do? I don't want to change anything about the group. It's okay. It'll… it'll go away. And if it doesn't, it'll be okay. It's okay."

Mingyu nods, his other hand to cover the other side of Minghao's enclosed hand. The moment feels delicate and Minghao is suddenly just so _tired_ again.

He's being ridiculous. He wishes he could stop being so ridiculous.

"I'm sorry," Mingyu says.

Minghao smiles at him. "It's okay, Mingyu-ssi. I'm okay."

Mingyu nods and Minghao almost thinks he's crying and that hurts him a bit and he just wanted to tell _someone_ about this that he knows wouldn't affect anyone else outside the realm of the three of them.

"I know you'll be okay. But you might not be okay right now. And I'm sorry about that. I wish I could do more."

 _Just keep holding my hand_ , Minghao thinks. _That's more than enough._

Minghao's thoughts are, sometimes, too loud for his liking.

 

 

Minghao decides to stop worrying about it. He decides to stop caring too much about it all. He focuses his everything on working and practicing and it works.

He feels better about it all. He feels better about himself as he progresses and grows and sometimes, he can feel really shitty, but when he does, he reaches out in silent ways. Sometimes, he'll go up to his hyungs and just ask if they can give him a hug. They always say, _of course I can_.

Sometimes, he goes out and eats with the younger members and laughs at their jokes and feels happy with them and it always ends nicely and Minghao thinks he loves them a bit more if that was even possible.

Sometimes, he finds Seokmin or Mingyu and just holds their hands. That always seems to work best. They never mind it either, Seokmin sometimes absentmindedly stroking his fingers against his, and Mingyu squeezing it every now and then as if he wants to remind Minghao that he's there, he's present, and he's with Minghao.

It's all Minghao needs.

So he decidedly keeps at pretending that he doesn't worry about it.

It works.

 

 

When both Seokmin and Mingyu ask him to accompany them to eat at their favorite seafood restaurant, Minghao goes on the defense.

But as the night progresses, he loosens up a bit, realizing there's nothing to be worried about, realizing that they just missed him and wanted to spend time with him because it had been a while since they could all really hang out like this. He feels guilty for even thinking there were other intentions behind this.

"Hey, so, can we ask you a question?"

Minghao swallows his last bite. Mingyu and Seokmin are holding hands. Minghao stares at them.

"What is it?" he asks, a bright smile on his face when he does. He feels a bit awkward.

"Do you…." Seokmin trails off, retracting his hand from Mingyu's and coughing loudly. The sound nearly makes Minghao jump, but he doesn't. Mingyu seems nervous too, which makes Minghao even more nervous.

He wants to know what they're going to ask. He's afraid of what they're going to ask.

"What is it?" Minghao repeats again, not letting his smile falter.

Seokmin purses his lips.

"Do you want to hold our hands?" Mingyu blurts out. They both look at him in shock. Mingyu continues. "I mean, no that's not what I meant, I just meant… you want to hold both of our hands, right? Well, we've… we've talked recently and realized that and we want to hold your hand too. Both of us. All three of us. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about? I really hope you do."

Minghao stares at him.

Mingyu is asking him if he likes them. And he's telling Minghao that they like him too. He's telling him that they all like each other.

Minghao keeps staring at him.

Finally, he looks away when he feels Seokmin's hand in his. Seokmin's eyes are wide as they take him in and Minghao _gets_ it. They're asking him so many questions with no words and Minghao knows they'll _have_ to talk about this later on, but even Minghao feels overwhelmed with everything going on.

"I want to hold both of your hands," he says, voice barely louder than a whisper. "I always want to hold your hands."

It's definitely. A Statement. And it's Out There. And Mingyu and Seokmin are grinning and Minghao feels really weird all of a sudden because Surely, This Can't _Actually_ Be Happening, but it _is_ and it feels _really great_ actually.

Mingyu grabs his other hand. Minghao squeezes Mingyu's hand just as Seokmin squeezes his.

And Minghao doesn't let go of either of them.

**Author's Note:**

> seokgyuhao i love u!!! i love u my boys!! i will be the SPEARHEAD of the ship if i have to be. this is now my 5th seokgyuhao fic hhhhhh
> 
> anyway!!! follow me on twitter if u want :3 i just started being active again so that's fun. i'm @ [queersvt](https://twitter.com/queersvt)  
> much love,  
> dianna xxxx


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